I haven't shared much about our experience as a foster family, even though I believe it is important to do so. Part of the difficulty is in respecting the privacy of the children we fostered, as well as that of their families, while at the same time being honest and not sugar-coating. Hopefully, this shines a little light on our experience, and if you'd like to know more, or have any questions about how you could help the fostering community, please reach out.
Even before we got married, Papi and I talked about the idea of becoming foster parents. The idea of children being apart from their families weighed heavy on our hearts, and we wanted to help in any way we could. As things go, time passes quickly, and life gets busy. God blessed us with 4 amazing children, and our family life was crazy and wonderful. One or the other of us would bring up the idea of fostering every once in awhile, but the timing was never quite right.
The summer JL turned 4, I read a blog post by a young lady I babysat for when I was in high school and college. It was about how as Christians, our life should be dedicated to God and others, and how that's often not an easy, comfortable way to live, but that it is good. At least, that's how I remember it. Then, about a week later, our church had a guest speaker, and the message was about the same topic - living for God is a grand adventure, and adventure shouldn't always be "comfortable."
So then I began to think about fostering again, and after praying about it for a week or so, I mentioned it to Papi. He had begun to consider becoming a foster family around the same time. He hadn't read the blog post, and the guest speaker's message didn't affect him the same, but he felt like it was the right time. So we decided to look into it.
We spoke with my friend C, who not only has fostered and adopted, but also has years of experience working in social services. She said that in our part of the state there were no Spanish speaking foster families. So any kids who came into care, and spoke Spanish, would either be placed in English speaking homes or sent hours away to foster homes in the city. That made Papi and I more determined to become foster parents. The idea of kids being removed from their families (even for very valid reasons) and then placed with strangers who didn't even speak their language, was just appalling.
The process was intense, time consuming, and stressful. From the first phone call with an agency, to receiving our license, took about 9 months. The training was insufficient, to say the least, and the videos about abuse were traumatic. (I gained 12 lb during that time, mostly from eating peanut M&Ms while watching all the required training videos.)
Originally, we thought we would foster only infants and toddlers. JL was only 4, and we wanted to stay younger than her. God had other plans though. We did respite care a few times for A, a sweet 1 year old boy, and then one weekend for a 5 year old boy, N. (Respite care is when you watch the child for 2 weeks or less, often when they are between foster homes, or when the foster parents need overnight care for the child. Examples would be a vacation they bought tickets for before the child was placed with them, a wedding that's out of state, attending a training conference, etc.)
Before N even arrived for the weekend, the social worker called to ask if he could move in with us. We prayed about it, and agreed. Then the social worker decided to let him finish the semester at his school, and he moved in on December 23rd. N stayed with us for 6 months, during which time we had the privilege of coordinating his transition to his adoptive family.
Those 6 months were amazing and extremely stressful. We had the two weeks of Christmas break to get to know each other, which was perfect. We had so many special moments, and quite a few traumatic ones. The first day at his new school, N didn't come home on the bus. I was so scared, and called the school and the bus company, asking them where my son was. It ends up that he had fallen asleep, and the bus driver brought him home over an hour later, after the route. The evenings after family visits were very rough, as N was so young, and he didn't have the vocabulary or social-emotional skills to deal with the trauma the visits caused him. Other times were just lovely though, with Papi and N cuddled on the sofa reading together; JL and N holding hands in Sunday school; and N looking up to JMC and JT as his new older brothers. I am also incredibly blessed that N's adoptive mom chose to maintain a relationship with me. We have become friends, and she has helped me navigate the world of fostering as well as adoption.
.jpg)
A few months after N transitioned to his adoptive family, A moved in with her two children, C and K. A was 18, and her children were 23 months and 6 months. They lived with us for 11 months, and that time was challenging in ways I never would have expected. Instead of helping a young mom learn to parent her children, we found that we were parenting a teen girl and co-parenting her children. Again, there were beautiful moments and difficult ones. I am so grateful that we were able to celebrate each of their birthdays, and all of the holidays with them while they were here. In the future, I would love to have more opportunities to help young moms, but not until our own children are grown. I continue to pray for them, that they each know they are valued and loved.
Two months after they moved out, we received a call asking if we would accept placement of a 3 year old little girl diagnosed with failure to thrive. This is a diagnosis that we'd dealt with before, as each of our kiddos has been small, especially before we learned about our family's food intolerances. Papi agreed, and we accepted placement.
I'll have to write another post about Little One, as her story with our family continues, and there's too much to fit here.
We are no longer a foster family, as we have met the maximum number of children the state allows in a foster home. In addition, we don't want to be in a position of not being able to care for our children in the way we believe is best, and more children would just be too much, with appointments, activities, school, etc. We continue to pray for those involved in foster care in any capapcity - the children, their foster and biological families, and the social workers trying to help all of them.
If you have any interest at all in learning how you can support the fostering community, look into The Forgotten Initiative. They work with churches to support and love the fostering community. Or feel free to ask me; I'll do my best to answer questions or help connect you with the right person or organization.
